February 25, 2025
Final week, I posted in regards to the sacredness of intercourse.
So this week, I’m impressed to proceed with the subject of intercourse, particularly, the potential cheapening of it.
In the event you’re a girl studying this, particularly in the event you’re a married or soon-to-be-married lady, you could not wish to tune out. It’s essential to know what goes by means of a man’s mind if he occurs to be doing nearly all of his considering with that particular organ, which you’ll quickly discover out will not be essentially the case.
In the event you’re a man, then positively maintain studying. It might prevent loads of bother sooner or later.
Intercourse & The Touring Businessman
Right here’s the factor: I journey a LOT for work.
Whether or not instructing vitamin at a yoga clinic in South America, blasting onto a stage in a packed Vegas convention room, or (as is the case whereas I’m penning this) visiting 9 cities in twelve days throughout India for entrepreneur well being teaching, one of many main methods I convey house the bacon to feed my household is by spending loads of time in airplanes and resort rooms.
For a lot of that journey, I’m 100% solo.
Meaning I’m a married man touring alone—with no spouse, no wingman, and practically nonexistent accountability—whereas additionally, attributable to my standing as a public determine perceived as wholesome, highly effective, and influential, often encountering a plethora of enticing, aggressive ladies who make their intentions clear, whether or not by means of Instagram booty calls, not-so-subtle touches, or outright propositions to “get in my pants,” so to talk. And that’s not even contemplating the limitless entry to pornography on my tv and smartphone, out there anytime with out the necessity to sneak away or conceal. In any case, as I discussed, I’m normally alone.
As you may think about, fixed sexual temptation is one thing I’ve needed to be taught to take care of gracefully and virtuously, particularly by maintaining my pants on and my tongue in my very own mouth.
Admittedly, there was a time once I didn’t do a great job coping with all of it. The flattery, the short-term pleasure, and the justifications to myself {that a} one-night stand isn’t actually an emotionally hooked up or a long-term relationship left me coming house a number of occasions to my household having been sexually untrue and having to cover my very own lack of ethical excellence for worry of being shamed.
It’s in regards to the worst feeling on the planet to take your spouse out on a date after a bout of journey escapades and attempt to shut down the psychological scream inside your head that you simply’ve cheated on the harmless and trusting life accomplice sitting throughout from you. It’s additionally shattering, as a hypocritical father, to lecture your sons about faithfulness whereas imagining them rising as much as be similar to you—violating their relationship with their very own wives and households. It’s essential to notice that the few seconds of enjoyment derived from a short-term hookup are by no means, ever, ever price it. You mainly hate your self afterward. It’s horrible, and it’s by no means fulfilling. Ever.
Contemplating this can be a massive downside that tears households aside, destroys legacy, and implodes house life, it’s one thing that that you must deeply care about in the event you’re a married man or future married man studying this, particularly in the event you journey usually like I do. I think I can’t be the one married man on the market who has to navigate this path.
However, in the event you’re nonetheless studying at this level, you most likely already know that the basic infidelity of the touring businessman is a giant downside.
Whereas it’s actually essential to grasp the chaos that unfaithfulness, whether or not in analog or digital type, wreaks upon your closest, dearest relationships, it’s simply as essential to grasp what precisely to do about it.
So, that’s what I’m going to share now: seven sensible ideas, from the trenches, on how I’ve—by the grace of God—developed a thick-skinned resilience to sexual immorality, how I’ve reworked my relationship with my spouse by means of over a decade of devoted faithfulness, and how one can too.
1. Pray
God doesn’t need you to cheat.
Whereas Romans 5:3-5 says that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character, this doesn’t imply God is haphazardly tossing temptations your method with no method of escape, all whereas rubbing His arms collectively and ready so that you can succumb to inevitable demise. The Bible says that God is not going to tempt you past your potential and that He will present a method out of temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you besides what’s widespread to mankind. And God is devoted; he is not going to allow you to be tempted past what you may bear.”
Moreover, Matthew 26:41 says, “Watch and pray that you could be not enter into temptation. The spirit certainly is prepared, however the flesh is weak.”
It’s painfully apparent, isn’t it? Remember and pray when you understand temptation is coming at you.
That is simpler mentioned than executed. You possibly can’t precisely drop to your knees at a cocktail get together when a beautiful lady in a slinky, brief skirt is stroking your arm—telling you along with her lips how a lot she admires what you’ve completed whereas telling you along with her eyes that she’d like to perform one thing for you herself.
I’ll inform you precisely what works for me in a state of affairs like this: I excuse myself to a nook of the bar, duck behind a curtain, or slip into a toilet stall and say one easy prayer that simply works. It’s known as “the Jesus prayer.”
“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
This works like magic. You possibly can nearly really feel the sexual demons slipping away once you say it. Jesus understands. He’s been there. Hebrews 4:15 says, “He was tempted in each method that we’re, however he didn’t sin.”
And certain, you must keep a continuing state of prayer that goes deeper than only a single sentence. However once you’re in a pinch—your lust accelerating to full velocity, your physique betraying you, and also you want a determined name for Christ who strengthens you—that is the prayer to have memorized. I exploit it usually.
2. Empathize
Anytime I’m tempted to ask a girl into my resort room or pull up porn on my laptop computer, I think about how I’d really feel if I walked in on my spouse doing the identical factor. Put your self in her sneakers.
The subsequent time you’re feeling like masturbating to porn, ask your self how you’ll really feel in the event you walked in on her within the bed room pleasuring herself to some random dude on the display of her smartphone together with his pants pulled down.
Or let’s say a girl on the resort bar, or possibly two, asks what you’re as much as later and what your room quantity is. Certain, this seems like a improbable time, however how would you’re feeling in the event you acquired house and walked in in your spouse with one man beneath her and one other behind her?
I throw up in my mouth simply fascinated about a dude or two banging my spouse. So how is it any completely different for me to entertain the concept of doing the identical factor with ladies?
It doesn’t need to be as excessive as that. For instance, must you need your spouse speaking to an alpha male at a convention afterparty the identical method you’re standing in actually, actually shut proximity to that lady batting her eyes at you? Would you need your spouse getting a rub-down from a heartthrob male therapeutic massage therapist? Would you need her giving facet hugs, bear hugs, and again rubs to random dudes when she’s off on a visit?
So don’t do to her what you wouldn’t need executed to you.
By the way in which, though I do want the tender contact of a feminine therapeutic massage therapist, I all the time select the ugly or actually previous ones if I want some deep tissue work once I’m on the street.
3. Sleep
Generally you simply gotta get your ass to sleep. The later you keep at an after-party, the crazier it will get. The later you hang around on the bar or restaurant, the extra determined and aggressive the alternative intercourse acts. The later you keep awake in your resort room, the extra interesting free porn turns into.
In the case of each morality and productiveness, I reside by the mentality that ‘extra good issues occur within the morning than within the night.’ Within the morning, you learn, pray, work, stretch, train, and drink espresso. Within the night, you eat, make small speak, devour leisure, lounge round, or sit an excessive amount of—and sometimes, you drink alcohol.
So fall asleep, already.
Once more, it is simpler mentioned than executed, proper?
Right here’s how I paint myself right into a nook: once I stroll into my resort room, even when there’s FOMO brewing in my mind to go hit one other get together or an interesting textual content on my cellphone from some hottie I met just a few hours earlier, I instantly implement good sleep hygiene rules, particularly:
- Flip the temperature down as little as it goes.
- Put your cellphone and laptop in night time mode and/or airplane mode.
- Pop your sleep cocktail of selection (to not get all commercialized right here, however I do Kion Sleep + Factor Well being Max Power CBD + a whopping sledgehammer of Mitozen Melatonin).
- Play some actually enjoyable sleep noise or a white noise sleep app.
- Get the room as darkish as potential, and I imply actually darkish.
- Pull on a sleep masks, curl up in mattress, and say your prayers.
Sure, I do know if I had been an actual powerful man and a very robust Christian, I ought to have the opportunity to withstand temptation by means of sheer prayer and a contact of willpower, with out inducing a near-comatose sleep state.
However I’m simply sharing what works for me.
4. Porn
You most likely raised an eyebrow at that one, proper?
No, I’m not endorsing that you simply whip out your bank card and whip down your pants whereas justifying to your self that a minimum of you’re not dishonest with an actual human. The nice of turning down analog intercourse doesn’t justify the ugliness of turning to digital intercourse.
I’m speaking about wifey-porn, guys.
You understand that “hidden” photograph function in your cellphone? It’s not only for storing a financial institution assertion picture or Bitcoin passphrase screenshots.
Contemplate politely asking your spouse to do a photograph shoot for you.
A very soiled one.
Inform her your favourite poses, positions, and fantasies, then let her go to city and textual content or Airdrop you every little thing. Be happy so as to add a bit extra to your partner’s spank financial institution arsenal once you’re making love along with her (tip: use a tripod in the event you don’t wish to kill the vibe by cradling your cellphone in a single hand and her within the different). In case your non secular or religious convictions make you query whether or not wifey porn is true, check out the softcore poetry within the Bible’s Music of Solomon for some inspiration.
Then, the subsequent time you’ve been on a street journey for just a few days and have blue balls, or that you must don’t have anything in your thoughts however her, open that hidden photograph folder and proceed to have a very, actually good time with your self.
And to not be painfully apparent, however in the event you use this technique, please don’t share your cellphone passcode together with your youngsters. You do not need them attempting to erase these pictures from their reminiscence whereas mother is making them breakfast within the kitchen.
P.S. Do share your cellphone passcode together with your spouse. She ought to be capable of see all of your texts, calls, browser historical past, and many others. each time she likes. That too will assist maintain you behaving.
5. Train
Certain, your pure testosterone ranges when away out of your partner coupled together with your pent-up sexual vigor is usually a potent mixture to make you ultra-horny.
However that doesn’t imply that further power must be directed in the direction of intercourse or jacking off. It additionally doesn’t imply you must attempt to tie a rubber band round your testicles or search out some sort of libido-decreasing herb.
As a substitute, there’s nothing like a great exercise routine, particularly a soul-crushing, death-defying bout that leaves lactic acid bleeding out of your ears, to make you a bit extra calm and higher behaved in a while.
As a matter of truth, my exercise routine on the street is very devoted and actually arduous. I by no means skip a beat as a result of it serves as a cathartic stress launch—and from expertise, I can inform you that it significantly turns down the lust dial.
For instance, on a median street journey, I’ll alternate between:
- Push day (overhead press, bench press, push-up, squat, leg press, and many others.).
- Pull day (pull-up, pull-down, row, deadlift, and many others.).
- Core/cardio day (rowing machine, treadmill, bike, planks, leg raises, and many others.).
I like to recommend having an in depth plan like mine put collectively earlier than you even arrive at your ultimate vacation spot. Paired with making issues as frictionless as potential by having your exercise garments and sneakers laid out for you subsequent to the mattress and a robust cup of espresso inside arm’s attain, you’ll be capable of direct a few of that “life drive” in the direction of muscle-building as a substitute of home-wrecking.
6. Name-A-Good friend
Generally, issues get actually powerful, and it looks like you may’t deal with it alone with simply you and God. Generally, you want a good friend to step in and warn you earlier than you cost headfirst into catastrophe—sort of like a rutting male elk, so pushed by intuition as a substitute of knowledge that he doesn’t understand he’s about to stroll straight right into a looking blind.
It’s these occasions for which you want a digital wingman from afar—a man good friend with whom you may share your most embarrassing ideas and susceptible tendencies.
That is the good friend who you may textual content or name everytime you want and who understands you and will get it once you name him at 11:18 pm on a Saturday night time sweating bullets since you nearly made a mistake that would value you half your belongings and no extra Christmas together with your in-laws.
You assume that’s too humiliating?
Look: all of us guys undergo the identical struggles that you simply do. The issue is, we simply don’t speak about it with one another. However we’ve all thought and skilled the identical issues, besides possibly that Ned Flanders-esque good friend who looks as if he one way or the other left his libido in sixth grade.
Visitor Emeal Zwayne on The Dad Edge podcast eloquently described this concept of males being embarrassed to share their sexual struggles and temptations with different males. His e-book, Battle Like A Man, goes into way more depth on this subject than this transient article and is price a learn, particularly in the event you want a very detailed, well-written handbook for private purity.
So, divulge heart’s contents to a buddy. Be susceptible—whether or not it’s asking him to hope so that you can stop happening the slippery Instagram softcore-to-Web-porn-hardcore rabbit gap or to verify in on you day by day till you’re again house to ensure you keep devoted. Belief me, he’d need you to do the identical for him, and this type of uncooked, trustworthy, radical transparency is what deepens the bonds of male friendship.
7. Construct Legacy
This final tip is by far probably the most highly effective for me.
Two years in the past, whereas in India, I used to be interviewed by entrepreneur Mukesh Bansal. The dialogue turned to anti-aging, longevity, and—as such discussions usually do—finally progressed into the concept of whether or not I assumed human immortality was attainable.
I mentioned “Sure.”
And I didn’t imply that I figured we’d finally decode cryopreservation of our brains and repeatedly implant them right into a recent new physique over and over, in perpetuity. Nor did I imply that I anticipate that sooner or later quickly we might mainline designer medicine into our bloodstream to show again the clock endlessly. Nor was I even referring to the immortality attained by means of Christian salvation.
As a substitute, I described how a person’s offspring permits that man’s rules, philosophies, objectives, desires, and needs to be carried out by subsequent generations who occur to bear his genes and final identify.
That is one cause legacy is so, so essential within the Greenfield house. Now we have a household mission assertion, a household set of core values, a household emblem, a household crest, and a household structure. Heck, we even have the Greenfield household flags flying proudly outdoors the entrance door, the Greenfield household emblem on the massive signal on the finish of the driveway, and Greenfield household pickleball paddles, pepper grinder, cup coasters, throw pillows, hoodies, and hats we put on for an evening out in town. Woven into our yearly traditions and every day comings and goings is the sense that we’re a robust household unit with a shared perception and function and that by working collectively as a cohesive pack we are able to truly have an effect on long-term optimistic change on the planet.
Perhaps for this reason males who change into fathers expertise a slight lower in testosterone. It’s as if we now have a built-in braking system on our pure propensity to sow our seeds far and huge in order that we are able to as a substitute give attention to offering for and defending our household—in order that we are able to, in a method, reside on endlessly by means of our lineage.
Clearly, nonetheless, there’s nonetheless greater than sufficient testosterone within the common household man to make sexual sin a tormenting actuality. However when there’s an urge to cheat, to weaken the bonds of a spousal relationship with porn, to surrender and stroll away from household life as a result of it’s simply too complicated and difficult, or to fly free like your sexy inner fowl typically needs to, there’s nothing like a robust sense of legacy to maintain your toes firmly grounded.
What do you select, and what appears extra interesting? The long-term reward of this type of “immortality” constructed by means of generational legacy…
…or the short-term pleasure of a thirty-second orgasm?
Don’t fret in case your kids are already youngsters, you don’t have a household structure, and function and legacy don’t really feel like they’re a remotely vital a part of your loved ones. In any case, the most effective time to plant a tree is twenty years in the past, or at present. If you wish to be taught extra about constructing generational wealth, take heed to my podcast interview with Wealthy Christiansen or learn my e-book Boundless Parenting.
Abstract
OK, a fast assessment right here.
First, pray. Pray rather a lot once you journey, however have some brief prayers memorized for when the blood movement appears to be getting directed away out of your mind and in the direction of your crotch.
Second, empathize. Put your self in her sneakers.
Third, know tips on how to induce your self right into a comatose-like sleep state.
Fourth, have your spouse provide you with some actually attractive photographs and movies of her, ideally specific sufficient to depart nothing to your creativeness.
Fifth, train. Redirect power.
Sixth, have a wingman.
Seventh, and most significantly, construct the sort of legacy that makes dishonest appear to pale compared to generation-building.
So there you could have it.
That’s how I don’t cheat once I journey.
In fact, I’m not good. I’m no know-it-all. There are issues I don’t do but that I most likely ought to and issues I overlooked of this text I most likely shouldn’t have.
So, what questions do you could have, and what ideas do you have for the blokes on the market who wish to keep devoted?
Moreover, listed here are just a few different nice sources you may dig into on the subject on intercourse, intimacy, and connection:
- Better of Intimacy and Biohacking Intercourse: Optimize Libido, Orgasm Enhancement, Thrust In Time, Higher Erections Naturally, Breathwork & Extra.
- Tips on how to Enhance Your Intercourse Life: 12 Biohacks for Higher Orgasms, Sexual Well being & Intimacy
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