What I Realized When My Mind and Physique Shut Down

“Virtually the whole lot will work once more if you happen to unplug it for a couple of minutes, together with you.” ~Anne Lamott

I used to imagine that success meant at all times being out there. At all times saying sure. At all times responding instantly to emails, Slack pings, texts, no matter was thrown my method. As a result of if I ended—even for a second—I would fall behind. And if I wasn’t working tougher than everybody else, was I even working onerous sufficient?

For years, that mindset labored. Or so I believed. Each win, each promotion, each new milestone felt like including gas to the hearth. The extra I ‘succeeded’ by society’s requirements—the title, the profession, the monetary stability—the extra I pushed myself to do extra, to be extra.

My perfectionism kicked in, too. I didn’t simply wish to succeed; I wished to be good at the whole lot—profession, management, motherhood, marriage, friendships. And I by no means eliminated something from my plate—I simply saved stacking it larger.

I climbed the company ladder, turned the primary feminine VP in a 300-person advertising and marketing org at a Fortune 500 firm, and checked each success field that ought to have made me really feel completed. However as an alternative of feeling fulfilled, I felt… empty. Exhausted. Like I used to be working on fumes however too scared to cease.

After which someday, my physique gave me no alternative however to cease. It wasn’t a sluggish fade or a warning signal I might ignore—it was like somebody pulled the plug. I went from a high-functioning overachiever to somebody who couldn’t even type a sentence with out feeling mentally drained.

Not simply stress. Not simply exhaustion. A full-body, full-brain shutdown. Emails didn’t make sense. Conversations felt like static. I couldn’t course of ideas.

My mind hit the off swap, and I didn’t know methods to flip it again on. I sat at my desk, watching my display screen, and for the primary time in my life, I bodily couldn’t push by way of.

That second scared me greater than something.

5 years earlier than my full breakdown, I had already been on a collision course. In that brief span of time, I turned a mom, received promoted to director, took on extra groups and duties, misplaced my sister and grandmother, and moved into a brand new home—which promptly caught hearth.

However I nonetheless saved pushing, nonetheless saved performing, as a result of slowing down wasn’t an choice. Till my physique made it one.

I bear in mind sitting in my automotive after work, gripping the steering wheel, staring blankly forward. I had nothing left.

It wasn’t simply exhaustion; it was one thing deeper, one thing that made me really feel like I had misplaced management over my very own thoughts and physique. I had constructed my total id on being productive, on being the go-to particular person, the one who at all times delivered.

However now I had nothing left to provide. And I had no concept methods to repair it.

What I Realized from My Breaking Level

However how did I get to that time?

How did I am going from thriving on the hustle to fully shutting down?

Trying again, the indicators had been all there—I simply ignored them.

The late nights, the skipped meals, the creeping exhaustion I saved dismissing as ‘simply a part of the job.’ My physique had been warning me for years, and I didn’t hear. Till I had no alternative.

That breaking level pressured me to ask myself one thing I had spent my entire life avoiding:

What am I chasing, and at what value?

Right here’s what lastly made me understand I couldn’t preserve going like this (and what I want I had discovered earlier than I hit all-time low):

1. Relaxation isn’t a reward. It’s a requirement.

For the longest time, I believed sleeping extra would repair the whole lot. I watched a MasterClass with Dr. Matt Walker (a sleep knowledgeable) and discovered all about chronotypes—morning larks vs. night time owls. I knew I used to be a morning lark, so I figured, Nice, I’ll simply get to mattress earlier, and that ought to do it!

Besides, it didn’t.

I’d lie there at night time, my physique nonetheless, however my mind working marathons.

Did I give my kiddo his medicine?
Did somebody feed the canine?
Is my crew member feeling higher after being out sick?
Crap, I forgot to maneuver the laundry. Now I’ve two decisions: depart it and cope with the stink tomorrow, or drag myself off the bed to repair it.

That’s after I realized that relaxation isn’t nearly sleep. It’s about giving your thoughts and physique an actual reset.

I discovered that after I hung out in my backyard, I had extra persistence with others.

I picked up crocheting for the primary time in twenty-five years, making beanies like my life trusted it. They had been lovely—and it introduced me a peace I hadn’t felt in years.

I began enjoying board video games with my youngsters, laughing across the desk as an alternative of dashing them to mattress simply so I might leap again on-line and “get forward.”

For years, I handled parenting like a accountability (which, to be honest, it’s), however I by no means simply let time be. Every little thing had been a job to finish, a schedule to observe. However slowing down, being current, laughing with my household—THAT felt like true relaxation.

Relaxation isn’t nearly stopping. It’s about resetting in a method that truly fuels you.

2. Ambition and stability can co-exist.

Let’s be actual—I’m nonetheless a piece in progress in terms of boundaries. However one of many greatest shifts I made was realizing that the whole lot in life is a season.

I used to overthink each resolution. Saying no felt heavy, like I used to be closing a door without end. However as soon as I began pondering in seasons, the whole lot modified.

As a substitute of “no,” I began saying “not proper now.” This made boundaries really feel lighter and simpler to stay to.
I received clear on my non-negotiables. If one thing stuffed my cup, it received precedence time. If one thing drained me? It was time to let it go.

For years, I used to be the sort of chief who stated issues like “I help your resolution” when somebody wanted time without work—however the undertone was at all times “however we actually want you right here.” The unstated strain to overwork was actual.

Now, I construct my life round individuals who encourage me to spend money on myself—not simply help it, however push me to do it. And that makes all of the distinction.

3. If stopping feels scary, that’s an indication you have to cease.

I used to be terrified to decelerate. I had constructed my total fame on:

✔ At all times being out there (Praised!)
✔ At all times performing on the prime (Praised!)
✔ Dwelling each side of hustle tradition (Praised!).

It was my id. So, if I ended… who even was I?

What if I had labored my butt off for nothing?
What if folks stopped seeing me as “profitable”—would they suppose I used to be a failure?

I’m nonetheless on this transition, and actually, it’s nonetheless scary. However leaning into the unknown is a part of redefining success. That’s what makes it really feel much less terrifying.

I used to imagine success = standing, energy, cash.
Now, I see success as one thing larger—well being, pleasure, presence.

And whereas I gained’t faux it’s straightforward, I can inform you this: it’s value it.

What This Means for You

In case you’re studying this, questioning why—regardless of all of your effort—you continue to really feel exhausted, caught, or empty… I get it. I’ve sat in that very same place, working on fumes, satisfied that pushing tougher was the reply. However it’s not. It by no means was.

You don’t have to interrupt earlier than you begin making adjustments. Small shifts—pausing, setting boundaries, rethinking what success really means—can prevent from ever reaching that breaking level.

Take the break now. Reclaim your vitality now. Redefine success now. As a result of the life you need isn’t ready in your subsequent achievement—it’s ready on you to cease working lengthy sufficient to really reside it.