Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.
Let me let you know about this wonderful lady.
Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.
(No marvel I really like the music of Alan Doyle (and Nice Huge Sea), it’s in my DNA!)
Gramma was a preschool instructor for 22 years and has been an lively member in her group for her total life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives through the years. She volunteered on the Council on Getting old. She typically drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the previous folks” (as she known as it), which she did properly into her 80s!
Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I might swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my telephone, typically distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I feel having recognized her my total life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has at all times been right here, and Gramma will at all times be right here.”
Thankfully, I stumbled upon an historic Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course appropriate this sample. It allowed all of my current visits with Gramma to be decidedly completely different.
Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会
There’s an idea courting again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s known as ichi-go ichi-e:
This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”
It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Irrespective of how typically we do one thing or see any person, it’s the solely time that it’ll really occur this manner, in this second.
This idea can remind us to be extra current.
- As a substitute of checking our telephones, we are able to deal with the particular person or process in entrance of us.
- As a substitute of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we might be right here now.
- As a substitute of going by way of the motions, we is usually a bit extra deliberate with our habits.
I’ve mirrored rather a lot on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (see my essay about Wabi-Sabi), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.
Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer season.
I ended worrying in regards to the future or ruminating on the previous, put my telephone down, and simply sat together with her.
I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I might get to have that interplay.
I requested her questions on her childhood. I realized that she spent a number of summers dwelling in a tent with no operating water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their house along with his personal two fingers. And the way a lot she beloved it.
She instructed me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and acquired caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her dad and mom mattress till the solar got here up.
I realized extra about my grandfather. She even shared photographs of her wedding ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:
She additionally discovered some photographs of me and her from manner again within the day!
This one was my favourite:
I returned to Nashville final month, uncertain when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.
It nonetheless felt completely different. I had linked with Gramma extra deeply in a number of visits than I in all probability had prior to now 10 years mixed.
Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.
Gramma’s Group
Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.
And every day, a revolving door of visitors would present as much as examine on her:
Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her greatest good friend. Her good friend Anne. Mates from the Council of Getting old. Fellow quilters. Folks from her church.
At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the identical time, and it became an absolute social gathering.
I used to be in awe of this lady and what number of lives she has impacted.
If there’s a transparent signal of a life properly lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped every part to return and spend time together with her, swapping tales and holding her firm.
Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has an important humorousness too:
The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and stated, “I remembered one other story!” She then instructed me in regards to the time she “borrowed” a automobile, though she didn’t have a license but, to drive by way of the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.
Whereas speaking on the telephone together with her 94 yr previous brother in legislation, she requested “how are ya, you previous geezer?”
When the physician requested “are you feeling higher in the present day?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”
Spending time with Gramma and all the folks from completely different components of her life felt like the absolute best use of my time. I’m in love with the group she has round her, and I’m always moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.
This level was pushed additional house by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…
Dwell Intentionally
The hospital through which my Gramma is staying is true subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his e book Walden.
At some point, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing by way of the timber.
(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s known as “komorebi”.)
I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:
“I went to the woods as a result of I wanted to reside intentionally, to entrance solely the important information of life, and see if I couldn’t be taught what it needed to educate, and never, after I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”
Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most essential to him.
Gramma went the opposite path, prioritizing what’s most essential to her: household, associates, and group.
Two completely different situations, the identical finish end result:
Selecting to reside intentionally.
I don’t have plans on shifting into the woods and dwelling merely, however I do assume I’ve achieved my greatest to reside extra intentionally these previous few years.
Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most essential to me too: associates, household, and group.
All We’ve got to Determine…
Just a few years in the past, Gramma introduced my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.
“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I wish to give them to you now in order that we are able to get pleasure from this second collectively.”
She took the time to elucidate the which means behind every quilt and why they have been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, somewhat than ready to listen to about these stunning quilts after she handed.
Once I visited Gramma this summer season, I found that she had printed my essay about my grandfather, her husband, who had handed away. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I spotted I by no means acquired to inform him simply how a lot I realized from him earlier than he died.
For that purpose, I’m scripting this essay now to ensure she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so pleased with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to be taught from her for 40 years (and counting!).
(I acquired a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and he or she beloved it. Mission achieved!)
I definitely hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again house. In any case, she instructed her good friend Laurie “I’m not achieved but!”
However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to determine.
As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:
“All we now have to determine is what to do with the time that’s given us.”
I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to reside extra intentionally:
- For those who’re prepared to place your telephone down and be current with the folks in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
- For those who’re prepared to prioritize what’s truly essential as an alternative of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go unsuitable with the alternatives you make.
- If you could find a option to deal with the essential folks in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it whenever you’re 94.
And at last bear in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do in the present day, that is the one time this second will occur.
Act accordingly.
-Steve
PS: If you would like a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely advocate Wim Wenders’s Good Days.
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